Thoroughly wash and rinse a 30L tub out. Then pour into the tub 750ml of vodka (any kind, cheap and nasty is fine), two bottles of champagne (one of them can be a sparkling rose or pink sparkling), a bottle of white wine, 4L of pineapple juice, 1.5L of orange juice, 1.5L of lemonade and 1.5L of soda water. To this mixture, add some chopped watermelon and seedless grapes. Finish off with a few scoops of ice (not too much, dont want to water her down now). And there you have the greatest ever punch. For best results, drink quickly!